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December
2009 / February 2010 |
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| Well 2009 was an
interesting year wasn't it. Most of us got handed $900 and told to spend it. Don Lane
died. Rudd flew around the world some more, likely to see the first African American
United states president. Who was handed a Nobel
prize while sending more troops into a war zone. Apart from that, the economy almost fell to bits. The idiots who believe in climate change got violent. Lilly Allen quit show business because there's too much piracy. And more natural disasters then you can poke a stick at. But don't worry about that stuff. Remember now that we are 10 years past the year 2000, we can actually say 'Twenty Ten" instead of "Two Thousand and Ten". Awesome. Enjoy the holidays. -scumpy |
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| Suffering another downturn to
the pizza industry, along with decent base shortages, pizza delivery drivers have been
seen lost on the street and asking for directions. Thanks to there broken GPS. The same
hacker that broke into a channel Ten intranet server and posted pictures of puppies on
purpose has now brought down a main GPS satellite across Australia today. As the leadup to the end of year laziness to which the pizza industry rely on, it is feared that this will be a nail in the coffin for franchisees. Most of which are still reeling from the effects of the GFC, healthy eating propaganda and Michael Jackson. In a hastily arranged press conference organised by the top three fast food pizza giants, Eagle Boys managing director Todd Clayton made an angry outburst in front of Australian media. Venting toward Pizza Hut's managing director McGuigan Simeon, Mr Clayton tore into him suggesting the following. "Your American. Why don't you ask some of your countrymen to catch this guy and
swing a satellite over our hemisphere before it really causes problems?" He continued
"Did you think about the poor mother coming from the bush to the city to visit her
child in intensive care in hospital, the child of which was airlifted out from the bush
days earlier. How is she to find a hospital in an unfamiliar urban jungle without GPS
while driving? Pizza delivery drivers are just the start." |
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"Nobody was buying our
pizzas because of the GFC and the fact I make the dough soggy. I had to sack all of my
good drivers who knew the area, then employ p-plater drivers at half the wage. Not only do
they steal and spit on pizza during deliveries, they rely on GPS. Now it is 1 hour late
and really soggy." Mr Spikelet believes he will have to shut his doors at the end of the year if a solution cannot be found. He has started a petition from other local chains to ask for a bail-out from the Government. Failing that, asking them to help employ map-readers for the drivers, which other fast food pizza outlets are trialing. On the upside, experienced pizza delivery drivers have started charging large for there services. Michael Cotter, a local pizza courier suggests its a licence to print money "Back in the old days I was getting about $70 a night to drive until 11pm. Now I demand at least that for just one delivery. I'm thinking about outsourcing." Rocket building communication Scientists who enjoy pizzas have reputedly started work on a new GPS satellite which will be fast tracked for launch sometime early in the new year. |
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| Almost 10 years into this
new millennium and we are finally just about to start throwing people up into 'space'.
Sort of. Not true space mind you, but high enough above the earth to feel the effects of |
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